I was thinking about…

Retirement Nostalgia: Gen X’s Vintage Haven

by Andy Lee

I recently saw someone musing that “One day Gen X will be the old people, and we’ll let the kids do whatever they want…and never once ask them to fix our computer. Just have fun and don’t get hurt.”

It got me imagining what amazingly nostalgic retro havens Gen X’s nursing homes and retirement communities could be! Like, why not just convert an abandoned mall into one giant indoor playland exclusively pandering to our lingering 80s obsessions?

Endless neon-lit corridors connecting wings themed to former mall staples – the Waldenbooks, Sam Goody, and Auntie Anne’s pretzels of yesteryear. The air thick with nostalgic scents of cinnamon sugar wafting from those iconic pretzel kiosks.

Sensory overload entertainment chambers could endlessly blast vintage MTV videos synced to rear-projected big screens for peak dopamine rushes. With retro multimedia shops hawking all the cassettes, VHS boxsets, and vintage skateboards our geriatric hearts desire.

Speaking of entertainment, we’d absolutely need cineplexes rigged to continually screen beloved 70s-90s movies free from modern soulless CGI content. Just draping ourselves in futuristic VR movie loungers that resurrect the sticky floors and buttery aromas of our nostalgic theater-going memories.

And no Gen X assisted living compound feels complete without an epic food court. Not just chains like Sbarro, Cinnabon and Mrs. Fields satisfying our nagging sugar addictions – but also standup diners mimicking those old school alt-rock hangouts where the local scenes congregated before showtime.

Finally, every hallway needs its own retro arcade installed, pumping out those sweet 8-bit soundtracks 24/7. No more scouring for quarters either – we get to relive eternal battles against Pac-Man, Donkey Kong, Galaga, Frogger and Dig Dug for free, lost in pixelated kaleidoscopic trances all day and night.

Why stop chasing enchanted 80s vapor trails where boyhood spirits remain forever ageless, despite bodies eventually betraying? That’s my idea of the dreamiest retirement – an eternal playland exclusively recreating peak Gen X nostalgia within hermetically-sealed retro bubbles.

Stay forever young, keep the cassettes rolling! 👴🕺🎥️🎸💾🕹️