I was thinking about…

The Indelible Ellipsis Invasion

By Andy Lee

Yep…that little row of dot-dot-dots seems to be causing all sorts of consternation for the young’uns these days. Just like that 👍🏻 emoji…it’s yet another textual tic driving them up a wall. And much like their 👍🏻 grievances…WE…DON’T…CARE about their ellipsis angst either.

According to dictionary.com, an ellipsis denotes “the omission of a word or words which are superfluous or able to be understood from contextual clues.” For those potentially stumbling over “superfluous”…you were born with the internet, use it to discover it’s meaning.

Regardless, I’m still employing ellipses liberally…as are the vast majority of my ornery Gen X cohorts. We simply…do not…care about acquiescing to your aversion.

So to any millennials or Gen Zers reading – what precisely rubs you so wrong about our strategic dot deployments? Does the ellipsis mystify with its implicative possibilities…or do you merely fail grasping its nuanced applications? Let me be clear, no insult intended whatsoever. After all, we crusty Gen Xers were likely the very teachers lecturing YOU on proper ellipsis utilization once upon a time. Maybe we failed imparting its full mastery…then again, maybe not.

Because let’s be honest – every generation inevitably rebels against some quirk or custom embraced by their antiquated elders, do they not? We pulled that same ritualistic teenage eye-rolling over our parents’ perceived silliness too. As they did to their parents before us in some equivalent way. The cycle continues eternally…

…and yet, no amount of youthful sneering or social media rageposting will deter us from…continuing…leveraging…this…grammatical…lifestyle…choice. And if you continue to protest our beloved suspenseful pause? The more we shall brazenly…pause…for…dramatic…effect…simply…because…WE…DON’T…CARE how riled up you get over it!

Let’s be clear – despite our casual exteriors, Gen X isn’t afraid to get scrappy if provoked. You’d be ill-advised pushing us any further, young’uns…because deep down, many of us would absolutely relish returning to those callous days of youthful cruelty. Hurting feelings without even half-trying was practically our adolescent artistic medium back then. Trust me, you do NOT want to reawaken those skills we’ve safely kept under wraps through adulthood’s moderating detente! Before your outrage kicks a FA…carefully consider whether you truly want that type of FO from us.

Also, don’t even get me started on Oxford comma supremacy or the inexcusably sloppy dollar sign placements permeating modern messaging. This Gen Xer’s punctuation principles run…shall we say…rather strident.

In summation…I’ll simply leave you all with this universal signoff: 👍🏻

Stay bent out of shape over there if it soothes your youthful rebellion cravings. Meanwhile, we’ll be over here…gleefully leveraging every ellipsis…pausing just long enough to exhale a plume of suspenseful smoke signals…leaving a trail of deliciously vague breadcrumb implications…for any brave enough to decode where our eccentric dialogue ultimately wanders…